Counseling is awesome

Counseling is awesome because it makes your fears smaller and dreams bigger.

I hear amazing things sometimes in counseling, especially from introverts.
Really, counseling is like the TED Talk stage for introverts.
In those moments, what’s amazing is not that they put on a great performance.
It’s that they finally stop.
Performing.
It’s not crafted and rehearsed, they set aside the pretense and give voice to what’s true and real inside.
Unfettered.

The thing about smart people anxiety and the multi-layered introspection of introverts and creatives is that they (we) often over-estimate our fears and underestimate our strengths.

Anxiety seems so loud resounding and rolling around in our own heads.
And this is one great way that counseling is so much like writing, they both help us stay true to ourselves while at the same time, helping us discover ourselves.
They both give us perspective on what thoughts to give credence to and which are lies.
Which ones to take captive and which ones to release.
Yeah, counseling can be tough, it’s hard to see people struggle with grief and pain but I love it because I regularly get to watch people be incredibly brave and authentic and that is extremely inspiring.

The power of simple words and small beginnings

Happy New Year!

In the past few weeks you might have seen folks on social media posting about their word or theme for the year.  You can also see people writing about their resolutions and goals.  Do you have a word or goal for the year?  Here’s something I’m focusing on:

I got an early start and started writing a parenting book in December.  As of today I’ve written 24 days straight and I will write every day until I’m done.  The plan is to publish it later this year, likely in the Fall.

As I was writing this morning, I was musing about the why and how and what of writing. I’m writing to help parents, dads and mom, overcome insecurity and fear.  I’m writing about how what I’ve learned training, competing and coaching Mixed Martial Arts and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu can help with relationships and life.  And I was struck by the question of writing enough, not just “Will it be good enough?” but “Will I say enough? Will it be long enough?”

Not only do I want to encourage parents, as presumptuous as it may sound, I want to write to change peoples’ lives.  I don’t want to shy away from that.  If I’m not writing something that could potentially change someone’s life than why bother.  I want my words to have that type of impact.

This week I started listening to Tim Grahl’s Book Launch podcast and in episode two he emphasizes that you have to believe in the book you are writing will help others.  As I’m writing, I know it will because it is helping me and what I’m writing has helped my counseling and coaching clients and patients for many years.

While writing I was listening to some worship music oo YouTube from the Passion Conference 2017 being held this week. I realized that in songs, the number of words isn’t what makes them powerful.  Complex and artful prose may be impressive but simplicity can be significant and even more helpful. I listened to 4-6 word phrases that shifted my heart and mind and I thought of other songs in my life that have changed my trajectory or kept me on track and it made me realize the number of words and pages my book isn’t the most important target to shoot for.

There is power in simple words and small beginnings.

I’ll go with you.

I’m sorry.

I have a dream.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.

I’m proud of you.

You’re hired.

It’s not the critic that counts…

I will…

You don’t have to be perfect.

No.

You can do it.

I need help.  

Thank you.

You are not your past.

I forgive you.

I’m not there, yet.

God, grant me the serenity…

Welcome home.

I’ll listen.

I can’t…but I can…

Let’s start over.

I miss you. 

I love you.

Small shifts in our thinking, in our communication, in our habits can undo patterns that have been in place for decades.  Living a different way, achieving a different outcome often doesn’t just mean changing our outward behavior – the most powerful changes often involved changing what we believe and how we see ourselves.  And if we are trying to make an impact in others’ lives, just the right words, at the right time – even if it’s just a handful – can make the difference. I hope in the stories and metaphor, illustrations and teaching, of my book many of those simple phrases above will sink into my readers in new and deeper ways.  And I hope in the meantime I will write blogs here that will encourage and support you this year.

Are you beginning something this year?  Are you starting over?

What’s something simple but powerfully true that you can tell or remind yourself of today?

What’s one small habit you could start that would make a big difference in your life?

Feeling Stuck and Self-Sabotage, A Video Blog

feeling-stuck-overcoming-self-sabotage

Last month I did a daily Facebook Live video challenge on a variety of my favorite topics.

This video from Day 2 was on getting unstuck and the power of the word WHY has to either keep us stuck or to motivate us to grow and change.

It explains the importance of answering our unanswered WHY’s.

It also explores why insight, introspection and over-thinking aren’t enough to grow.

I wrote a post that offers other questions that are more effective than why?