Today’s assignment is to ask folks to share my blog and I’m linking a handful of my top posts below for you to check out.
But first another question and storytime.
I wrote this earlier this week but wasn’t sure about sharing it because it may seem strange if you are a new reader and because I feel like I’ve already filled my transparency and vulnerability quote for the week (or month).
Guys, I have a question that I’ve been wondering about for 4-5 months.
I’ve been hesitant to ask but it keeps coming up.
Those of you that know me, know I love families and parents and try to help with the challenges of parenting and marriage, right?
Here’s the thing, besides folks who come to me for counseling, I can count on one hand the dads that have asked me about parenting and being a dad.
And half of that was when we had only Katherine, before I went to seminary for counseling.
And that is confusing and sad to me, because it’s something that is so important to me.
I’d love to encourage men to be there for their kids, to be an awesome dad.
And I’ve literally had the chance twice a decade to have that conversation.
I can’t believe dads don’t care.
And I like to think I’m not unapproachable.
But am I?
I realize I may be just be taking this too personal and maybe that’s just how guys are (that’s how I am) with asking for help or talking to other guys and dads about being a father.
But it’s the part I can control. So, if there’s something I could be doing differently to be helpful, I would love for you to let me know.
I’ve realized a few things since then:
- I haven’t asked many other men about parenting myself. When I have parenting questions I’ve usually gone to books for advice.
- Maybe it isn’t just me, maybe this just isn’t something guys do.
- One reason this question is so important to me is my desire to find men to mentor, to pass on some lessons I’ve learned.
- I’m not alone. I’ve connected with a few other dads who are blogging on fatherhood and marriage. I’m grateful.
- Because of #1, I want to write and blog to encourage men because that is probably the most likely way to reach and encourage them. Pretty motivating.
Here’s the rest of what I wrote earlier this week:
Sometimes Julie and I have folks compliment us on how the kids are doing.
And sometimes I cringe-smile.
Not that there wasn’t a lot grace and love and hardwork involved but
that there was also a lot of fear and insecurity that goes into that too.
And I want to tell people, we are so much the same.
We are as similar as we are different.
20 years ago, Julie was pregnant with Katherine.
I don’t remember much but I do remember being pretty excited and pretty scared at being a dad.
We found out she was a girl, that we had a daughter, when she was born. It was the most amazing thing!
And I was terrified at having a daughter!
I think one thing I’ve done well as a dad is to allow my deep inadequacy to be replaced by the sense of deep dependency on God’s great sufficiency in every challenge that we face as a family.
I wish I had learned that sooner.
Because when my fears and worries were or become the most important thing and distract me from God’s direction and sovereignty, that doesn’t usually go well.
We limit our kids when we give into our fears.
I’m learning that I don’t want my kids to necessarily experience less pain or struggle than me,
I want them
to be braver at life than me.
To have more faith and hope.
And I am very proud that they are, they do.
Or they are well on their way.
We’ve learned a few other things but wanted to share that today.
So guys (thanks if you’ve read this far) I’m asking you to share this blog but not just for me, for my sake, I’m asking you to think of a father who might be encouraged by this blog, a married couple who might be struggling, a man who may not be a father yet and share this with them. Maybe they’re like me and find it hard to open up about their kids (For me, it’s easier to talk about porn) or ask for help.
If you are a father and husband who share this same passion and desire to encourage others, I’m asking you to comment, share your blog, let me know you feel me because I need to know you’re out there. I know I can’t give up on men, because I know how important it is, what’s at stake for families but sometimes I just think it’d be easier to just focus on other things.
Here’s a few of my top or favorite posts:
Do you have what it takes? – for writers, creatives and procrastinators
One on porn
One on listening to your spouse
One on will marriage counseling help?
and another one for when your marriage drifts, with a video
One on Pixar’s Inside Out and Parenting
My top post so far – A letter to my daughters on dating