On being lost in Portlandia

 
A poem inspired by a video challenge by my online colleague Christie Sears Thomson of Trade Winds Therapy

What do you do
when you’re sitting in your pew
and you hear those words again

“God loves you”

And you want to believe it with all your heart
But you look inside
and you aren’t sure that you still have one

You aren’t sure because of what you’ve done
and where you’ve been

you lost it somewhere along the way
Or maybe lost it to someone

All you know is that along with your heart, you’ve lost yourself
You’re lost and you can’t find your way home

And all the overthinking and sleepless nights
All the social gatherings and porn
and the trips to the coffee shops and food carts that you try to fill that space with
Can’t shake the feeling you’re alone in the crowd
and you always will be
That you’ve disqualified yourself from finding your way back
Back to joy
Back to life

And when the preacher talks about
doing the things you don’t want to do
and not doing the things you want to
You get that.
You do that.
All day, every day
You know this one.

You don’t realize it but you’re on the hero’s journey
You’re finding your way
You’re finding who you are
You’re searching for your purpose

Along the journey, you need friends.
You need mentors and counselors to come along side

I don’t know all the answers or the way ahead
But I’ll help you figure it out.
I’ll remind you
You’re past can be healed
There’s grace enough for you
There’s redemption
You’ll even be able to forgive others as you forgive yourself

There’s hope
You aren’t alone
and you’re not done yet.

Published by

Sovann

Licensed professional counselor and health coach in Portland, OR
Pre-marital and couples counseling.
Individual counseling for anxiety, depression, insomnia, sleep disorders, sexual addiction, porn addiction, career, transitions, grief, burnout, personal growth.

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