Tag: shame

Let him who hasn’t viewed porn cast the first stone, on porn and shame

I’ve seen this quote a lot in social media and the news lately

“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone”

It’s from John 8, and it’s a story about a woman caught in sexual sin about to be condemned and punished for it by the scribes and Pharisees and Jesus.

The folks quoting this in the news often get the characters mixed up.

But this blog isn’t really about the my reactions to the Duggars or patriarchy or The Village Church or Caitlyn Jenner.

It just reminded me that dealing with porn, child porn, abuse, sexual history, shame is very very difficult.

And sometimes the phrase: “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone” is used as a way to just not talk about it.

Here’s a modern paraphrase “Let him who hasn’t viewed porn cast the first stone”

The scribes and the Pharisees were watching how Jesus would deal with sin, they wanted to trap him.

Modern day Pharisees also are watching how the Church deals with sin.

The problem Jesus dealt with then is the same as it is today.

For the Pharisee, behavior and controlling it is paramount.

There is no empathy for what’s driving the behavior.

For Jesus, the person and the story behind the behavior is most important.

Judgment and shame, especially around porn, isolates.

It disconnects us from God and others.

If you struggle with porn the message for you is the same today as it was then for the woman caught in adultery.

You aren’t damaged goods.

You’re not worthless.

You’re not done, a lost cause, a cast off.

At the same time, it isn’t casting stones to say

You can be free from porn’s grip, you don’t just have to accept it.

Porn hurts others.

Porn hurts you.

Living a lie is unhealthy.

It isn’t what God wants for you.

There is hope.

You can change.

Your story isn’t over.

“Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

He didn’t want her to die and be judged.

He didn’t want her to stay the same.

He wanted her to know that He was there to enable her to be free from her past.

This is the best thing I’ve read about porn and shame lately.

By Aaron Smith, who also recently spoke and wrote about what it’s like living with bipolar disorder.

I love shame lifters

One thing that draws me to people who have wrestled with God besides the humility that comes from their wounding is that they often have also had their masks ripped off in the process and know who they truly are.

Wm Paul Young is one of those people.
A shame lifter.
I went to an event called Where is God When…? this weekend here in Portland.
It was an evening of story and music exploring loss, brokenness and surrender.
He talked about his losses.
His abuse from an early age.
The façade he constructed to cover his shame.
The ways he betrayed and hurt his wife, family and friends.

It reminded me of the excruciating irony that the thing we are so scared of – our shame being uncovered and revealed – is actually the thing that we need to begin to be unburdened and heal from it.
To speak the unspeakable, to finally tell the truth, frees us from the lies and façades that have trapped us.

One of the most devastating moments was the picture of himself as a little boy. One of the saddest things I have ever seen.
Another reason I love shame lifters is that they not only rescue the lost and hurting child inside of themselves by telling the truth and seeking help but they rescue those hurting children in others. They break cycles of pain and trauma and abuse that have occurred for generations. In homes and in churches.

Paul Young lifts shame by holding back none of his secrets.
By standing on a stage and sharing what has happened to him and what he did and showing he survived through many things like the love and wrath of God through his wife, the help of his friends and therapist.

To paraphrase him (and Francis Chan)
Our failures and brokenness are unwanted gifts that can prevent us from succeeding at the wrong things, the things that ultimately don’t matter.

A very powerful evening, I was grateful to be a part of.
During the time the audience was allowed to respond I prayed for several people I wish could have heard what he and the other authors had shared.
I hope the video of the night will be available in the future.