When Pain Makes You Lonely

Sat and cried with a few people in pain yesterday.
Things in your life, if they don’t belong there, though small can slowly etch a canyon in your soul or widen the chasm in your marriage.
Things like secrets, addiction, grief, the things you believe about yourself or what someone told you when you made a mistake.
And this emptiness or pain can be debilitating.
Even if you look fine on the outside.
Even if you have to keep going or keep up appearances.
(For your kids, especially for the kids’ sake)

And it’s a pretty scary beak spot to find yourself choosing between letting the pain or the ways you numb define you.
We find ways to cope and not deal with the pain that enters into our lives through the inconsiderate or purposely malicious words and actions of others.
But it’s confusing when they come from those who love us.
And the hole in our heart, the gap in the marriage, the distance that it creates between us and other people can just creep slowly into our lives and become an excruciating numbness.
All from unintentionally holding on onto or nursing secret pain.

I think one of the saddest things about addiction is fooling yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect anyone else but you.
And I also think we mistakenly believe about evil and pain is there always has to be someone to blame and often that someone just has to be us.
(There’s no one to blame for the long slow loneliness of cancer or dementia.)

If you’re in pain or lonely today I hope you experience some freedom or healing soon. And whatever that takes, whether it is being brave enough to face it and ask for help or share what you’ve been hiding, I pray that you find it.

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Licensed professional counselor and health coach in Portland, OR Pre-marital and couples counseling. Individual counseling for anxiety, depression, insomnia, sleep disorders, sexual addiction, porn addiction, career, transitions, grief, burnout, personal growth.

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