This is a video I posted on IG Story.
I’ve been working with some couples on anger. It’s hard when feelings of rejection are high and trust and warmth are low. One thing that helps is asking for what you want and need, politely and clearly. Instead of using anger or frustration and guilt. It doesn’t work to make your partner or child feel wrong in order to get what you want, at least long-term. If you are angry, hurt, and frustrated, stop.
Pause.
Breathe.
Pushing harder and arguing more intensely when either of you is triggered or flooded with fight-flight-free response makes it worse. It doesn’t matter how right you think you are (your spouse or child might even agree), if you are treating them poorly. When you give yourself a pass on being a jerk, you might “win” the argument but you damage trust and perpetuate the belief: whenever we try to talk about this (something hard) it doesn’t work. We fight. We end up feeling worse instead of better.
